Samuel Feldman

I just found the most amazing thing I have ever seen on the Internet. Stick with me, and I think you will soon agree.

There is a website called luvthenug.com devoted to a kind of a ice called “nugget ice,” which you may know from QT convenience stores, or Sonic Drive-Ins. It’s made when finely crushed ice is packed into pellets. (According to one reference I can’t find now, nugget ice is more efficient because it cools drinks quick, like crushed ice, but doesn’t melt as fast.) An ice-machine manufacturer, Scotsman Ice Systems, is responsible for the fantastic site.

I have always (since a few days ago) wanted a commercial-quality ice-maker. So today, I started window shopping on Amazon for an ice-maker, just for fun and I found myself looking at the pictures to see if I could find the kind of ice maker that made my favorite type of ice – either tiny cubes or “nuggets” as I described above, but I didn’t know that’s what they were called. So I thought, “I should see if anyone else has asked this online.” A quick Google search led me to many forums and even a few press articles. Wait, the Wall Street Journal covered this phenomenon? Unbelievable. Through that, I found icechewing.com, a message board for iceophiles which has a few hundred postings. One thread, “favorite Ice” under “Recipes” has 61 replies and 45,942 views (it’s 45,943 now that I opened it).

And then I found luvthenug.com, which is in its own little world. I don’t know where to start, but I’ll try.

First, let’s talk about some of the features of this site.

“Find the Nug” aka “The Nugget Locator” – this section is valuable for people to find where they can buy Nugget ice near them. It has a map, and it lists the businesses by type of establishment, which it categorizes as Restaurant, Hotel, Concessions, Convenience Store, or “Nug Truck Stops,” which sounds like something else entirely. You can also submit your own “Nugget Locations.”
The “Nugget Ice Locator” App is exactly what it sounds like. No need to go Nug-less if you’re out and about! Download the app!
“Share the Nug” where you can read others recipes for using nugget ice, and you can even submit your own drink recipes.
“Demand the Nug” which is just as valuable. In this section you can download a petition for more Nugget Ice, request that a “Nug Truck” visit your area, share e-cards with “other nugget lovers,” and “tell us where you want nugget ice.” This is the point at which I realize mixing politics and nugget ice starts to make everything sound extremely racist. I know it’s not racist at all, so I am going to keep pushing ahead. By the way, that last feature is so you can enter the address of some establishment and the nice people behind this website will contact them to let them know one (or more!) of their customers is demanding nugget ice.
“Live the Nuge” has a few repeated features (recipes, e-cards and the app) but there is one new section and a promise for posters in the future. The new section? Merchandise. Yes, there t-shirts, hats, decals, and water bottles. One of the t-shirts says “Nuggin’ Every Minute of It” and has the website on the back, thankfully.
“Know the Nug” has a section called “Meet the Machines” and then a “Nuggets of History” section, which has some fantastic text – please go read it! The first entry on the timeline is “The Ice Age” and it says, “Globe covered by ice. Because of its ready availability, ice chewing is so common as to be passé. However, the ice quality leaves much to be desired. Everything from mastodon hair to even more undesirable elements were present in almost every bite.”
And finally, “Win the Nug.” But let me get into that.

Yes, there is a contest. One lucky person will win a NU130PA Nugget Ice machine just by registering for the site and submitting their own recipe to use with nugget ice. And when does the contest end? 2/13/12.

TOMORROW!? So I have literally just a few hours left to enter? That is fate! I must enter right now! And hopefully I can enter one more time tomorrow before the contest closes tomorrow morning. So I went to register.

On the registration form for the site, there is a question at the bottom that asks the profound question, “Why do you chew ice?” Why do I chew ice? Je bois donc je mâche – I drink therefore I chew.* Under this philosophical question, I only see a a drop-down box, and next to it is the label, “Select your tribe: (OPTIONAL)” Wait, so I am being asked to label myself based on the reason I chew ice? That is a very strange world if that’s how the tribes are divided in some apocalyptic future. And what are my options for tribes?

I’m Expecting
Stressed
Love Starved
Orally Fixated
Thirsty
Flavor Saver
Anemiac (sic)
Recreational

Are you kidding me? That list is unbelievable. I begin to think this site is actually a meta-joke, but I don’t think it is. I think this is real. I don’t know if I have the energy to write all I want to say about that list. But let’s discuss.

I love that “Anemiac” is on there! First of all, it’s spelled wrong. Second, they are correct in that anemia is known to sometimes cause people to chew ice. But this is a SYMPTOM, one that should be addressed by a doctor. Chewing ice is not some sort of treatment for iron deficiency. I hope that anyone selecting that answer will be directed to some sort of doctor-search website.

And what about, “I’m Expecting” too! Again, this is an iron deficiency or anemia issue. Then I begin to think this could be a secret lure or joke for some Anemia organization, or (more likely) for some anemia-fighting/preventing drug. If you select “Anemiac” or “I’m Expecting” they dispatch pamphlets to you! That would mean “Scotsman Ice Systems” is some sort of patsy for BigPharma or BigAnemia and I just refuse to believe Scotsman has been compromised like that.

Now, the other thing to say about “I’m Expecting” is that this response seems like it should disqualify people from winning. I mean, if you are expecting a child, that’s a temporary situation. If that is the only reason you chew ice, then maybe you don’t deserve to have an amazing nugget ice machine. When you give birth, is this perfect gift just going to sit in the corner and coldly rust? Same for “anemiacs” too, I would say. Once they start taking a multivitamin, they won’t need this machine.

But let’s talk about them as a group. I love that the options do not have parallel structure; if it is “I’m Expecting” then it should be “I’m Stressed” and I guess you could get away with, “Just for Fun” instead of “Recreational” as the last option. Either way, I’m not sure you should ask people to select only one of these when they are not mutually-exclusive at all, and some have significant overlap! I mean, someone who is Love Starved is probably also going to be Orally Fixated and Stressed. And if someone was Orally Fixated, wouldn’t they necessarily be chewing ice as a Recreational activity?

So I choose one of the options (which I won’t reveal, it’s too personal!) and registered. Then, I prepared my recipe to submit. There was really only one option for me to submit a recipe. It’s the perfect drink. Here we go! Read it straight off my submission form, and then check out the image I submitted with my entry.